Take a look at that young woman in the photo on the right. That’s me in Roslyn, Washington. It was 1996, and I was on a work trip to attend and present at a conference in Seattle. I drug my friend and colleague, Lori, on an hour plus adventure to visit the filming site of one of my favorite shows. I’d planned it out for weeks before our trip. I was so excited, until I wasn’t.

You see even though I am smiling brightly in this photo, on the inside I was a complete mess that day. A few days before the trip, I began to dread going. Even though originally I was excited to go and had made plans to visit my grandmother’s sister while I was there, anxiety and fear had begun to take hold in my body and worse-case scenarios were playing with my mind. A week or so before the conference started, Seattle had experienced a magnitude 5.3 earthquake and I secretly hoped the conference would be cancelled and I’d be off the hook completely. Nonetheless, everything went on as scheduled and I got on the plane. Lori, a frequent flyer, upgraded us to first class and we had smooth flight out and arrived the day before the conference began, giving us time to sightsee. I’d like to say I arrived in Seattle, went sightseeing, had a brilliant conference, and my anxiety dissipated into nothingness. Unfortunately, that was not the case. My anxious feelings and panic grew as I was at the conference. I wasn’t able to eat or keep food down. I had trouble sleeping and ending up cancelling plans to see my great-aunt. I did give my presentation and it went fine as I remember, but I was miserable. I was on edge and just couldn’t calm myself down. Towards the end of the conference, Lori asked me what she could do to help. I said “I just wanted to go home.” The anticipation of getting up in the morning and going to the airport was stressing me out for various reasons (my anxiety was always the worse in the morning). She was my hero and called the airline and actually got us on a red-eye to Chicago and rented a car to drive us back to Champaign. I was a nightmare travel companion. (I am sorry about that Lori and also thank you for being so compassionate and empathetic towards me.) Fast-forward to last week. This photo shows me in front of the Capitol in Washington D.C.  I flew by myself to attend the National League of Women Voters Convention as a delegate for my local League where for the most part I would know almost no one. I came a day early to participate in Lobby Day. I scheduled time with the offices of my congressional representatives and both senators to ask for their support of the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act. Again, in the days and weeks leading up to this convention, I was extremely excited about going. In the back of my mind though, I worried about having an anxiety attack along the journey, but this time I knew if I did I could handle it and get through it. I wasn’t going to let anxiety stop me from doing what I wanted to do and enjoying myself. And, I did feel anxious along the way. However, when those old feelings started to percolate up, I was able to let them flow and they didn’t stick around long. It wasn’t an easy trip either. The day started off with my credit card being cancelled because of identity theft. My rock-star, husband, Jamey, gave me his card so that road block was eliminated. Next, my 9:30 PM flight got delayed 20 minutes, then an hour, then another hour, then 30 more minutes. With each delay my heart rate elevated. Jamey managed to keep me calm along with my Zen coloring app. I was sad that I might miss my appointments on Lobby Day. There was no one at my gate to talk to, so I found someone at the next gate over. They said they didn’t know anything about my flight. The attendant a few gates down told me they were waiting for the crew for my flight. I trudged back to my gate not sure what to do. Finally, I got mad and went down to the Delta counter in luggage claim and told them I had an appointment with the Senator’s office at 11:00 am the next day and needed to be in D.C. I got a voucher that guaranteed me on the first plane in the morning if mine got cancelled. Luckily, I made it out at 2:30 am! The second hurdle was avoided! Lastly, on my taxicab ride to my hotel from the airport at 3:45 am we had to stop and turn around because there was a fallen tree in the road. I was starting to think someone didn’t want me to be in D.C.  But, I wasn’t to be stopped. I slept for two hours and was up and on the bus for Lobby Day at 9:00 am.  I made all of my appointments (my middle appointment I made with a couple minutes to spare as I got lost in one of the buildings and had to sprint across the Capitol area to make it) and had productive conversations. I don’t know that I changed any minds, but I felt heard. The convention was amazing. I learned a lot and met some smart, incredible women too. I ate and I slept. I even mingled at the cocktail hour! It’s taken me 28 years, but I feel like I’ve finally conquered my travel anxiety. If I’d told my 26-year-old self back then, she’d never have believed me.  I wish I could give her a hug and tell her she’d get there.