Undaunted

Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (call me)
We Be Jamming…

Come, on you know the riff is playing in your head now. Well those of you old enough to remember the 80s are anyway. When trying to think of a catchy title for this post, the Club Nouveau song, Lean On Me, came on the radio and stuck in my head on repeat (much like Lorde’s song, Royals). The lyrics as well as the song title, however, are appropriate for tonight’s topic.

Over the past week I’ve written a couple of posts about panic/anxiety disorder in recognition of Mental Illness Awareness Week. While the official week of raising awareness about mental health is over, I’m not quite done writing about a topic that hits so close to home. From the outside, when people look at me they might see a happy, successful woman. And to some extent, they would be right. I am truly blessed. Yet in the not so distant past, I really struggled with anxiety and panic. The fear of having a panic attack was almost as debilitating as actually having one. Once I accepted that I having another panic attack was inevitable, but that even so I could survive one, I started making progress. But while most outsiders were oblivious to all that chaos and turmoil in my life,  the insiders – my family and close friends – watched me struggle and offered .

In much the same way, I’ve watched my oldest daughter struggle with anxiety and my youngest daughter be consumed with worry.Watching a loved one struggle is hard. It makes you feel helpless, just as watching someone fight cancer or any other disease can be. Maybe you know someone who suffers from panic attacks. While everyone is different, the list below are some of the ways my family and friends have helped me through those periods in my life where anxiety threatened to take over and made all the difference to me.

1. Listening Without Judging. Having someone willing to hear my “plight” without trying to fix me is invaluable. Advice is great. I love hearing new ideas on how to handle panic and suggestions to alleviate stress. A new self-help book to read is perfect. But, don’t tell them to “relax,”  “calm down” or “stop worrying about everything” (if it were that easy, they’d already be doing it!) Empathy is the key.

2. Distractions Galore. Offer to go for a walk with them, drag them on  bike ride, take them mini-golfing or deal the cards. Coax them out of bed and do something with them. Make them laugh and forget about their problems. Distraction definitely helps me focus on something besides the tingling in my arms and the pressure in my chest.

3. Remind Me. “This Too Shall Pass” is a quote I can’t hear too many times. Sometimes we all just need a reminder that nothing lasts forever, that we’ve been down this road many times before and prevailed. It’s easy to forget your successes and discount them when you are feeling low. A little reminder that I am a strong person, I know what to do can light the way out.

4. Hugs Are Good. Sometimes an old-fashioned hug makes all the difference. A simple hug can  make me feel less alone. My daughters give me a hug sandwich, which never fails to make me smile. A gentle squeeze on the arm or a shoulder massage also helps lessen tension.

5. Check In. Just  knowing that someone is thinking about me or praying for me gives me strength. Ask what you can do to help and let the person know you are there. Let them reach out to you, but check in to make sure they remember you are there. Knowing I have someone to lean on, to call on is a gift that I don’t take for granted. I’m lucky.

Does anyone else have any good ways that you’ve used to help someone through a panic attack or that others have helped you? Please share!